Photos & Text By Noor Kalouti

Empathy is a complex emotion. While being a near cousin to sympathy and compassion, empathy is an internal, vulnerable choice. It's saying "in order to connect with you, I'm gonna have to connect with something in myself that knows what you're feeling," says Dr. Bréne Brown, in her RSA short "On Empathy." This is easier said than done, or it would be if the world wasn't collectively experiencing massive disruption. That is, the COVID-19 pandemic.

The internet has become our main vehicle for human connection.Communities have virtually adapted to support their respective tribes. Yoga studios have gone virtual, classrooms are now small squares on screens, and churches are encouraging their members to help create digital content to keep their congregations united.

David Fagbenro & Elgin Bridges

In March, David Fagbenro (right), 26, began posting weekly "Lo-Fi Prayers" on Instagram for his closed church, C3.nyc "We pray to you not just for our individual needs but for the needs of every person in our communities. Show us how to be a light to those around us." Fagbenro says in his last Friday prayer. "Empathy, for me, is sharing in the weight of all this," he says "I've started to do these mental health checks on my friends or even people I'm not that close with... " Three times a week, he and Elgin Bridges, 27, FaceTime to co-produce these spoken word prayers. Elgin lives in Atlanta and was recently laid off from his job as an accountant for a valet company. "I needed to shake the disappointed," he says, and creating music with David pushed him to be creative in these stagnant times. "I never let myself take music seriously, but now, I have the chance to weaponize my creativity and channel all this uncertainty."

Julian Watson & Samantha Rodrguez

Julian Watson, is an ER Doctor at Kings County Hospital. He and Samantha Rodriguez, both 28, have been together four years. Sam is a full-time student at Wharton Business School in Philadelphia so she and Julian are already in a long-distance relationship but they've never gone this long apart before.

"I send him selfies throughout the day," Sam says "like when I wake up, or when I'm about to sleep." But since Julian's ER schedule is overwhelming he's barely had time to respond. He still tries to put aside time for his rituals with Sam; "We do movie nights like we would in person" Julian says "And J fell asleep as he would normally" laughs Sam. They call each other to have a drink at the end of their days, simple things that don't necessarily demand a lot of attention, but feel natural. In terms of keeping the romance alive, "It's been tough" says Julian, but they've had a routine of FaceTiming in the shower or after while Sam is deep-conditioning her hair... it's a small way to keep the intimacy alive. Sam has been in quarantine for almost two months now. She was meant to celebrate her birthday with Julian before the pandemic hit New York City in March, but the weekend of their getaway he had to cancel because he was scared of exposing her to the virus.

Ariana Gharib Lee & Syra Oritz

Ariana Lee (left) and Syra Oritz are both full time graduate students at Columbia's Journalism School.

When the pandemic hit New York City and Columbia University closed its classrooms, Ariana and Syra decided it was best to return to their respective homes. They prepared themselves to self-isolate from family for 14 days and ended up supporting one another through the quarantine, "I feel like Ariana is one of the people I wish I had had more time to spend with." says Syra. Still, these platforms ended up bringing them closer together. "We tend to work together but also check-in at night," says Syra. Sometimes they would "end up having these marathon video chats that before only people in a long-distance relationship would have," says Ariana. Up to six and half hours of just sitting on screens together because "It was nice to simply have company."

Ariana is Boston while Syra is Puerto Rico, they both left New York in April, 2020.

Ariana and Syra have experienced the isolation differently; while Ariana has been laser-focused on her work she also " found it very difficult to acknowledge that was an emotional capacity to this”she says. "And that's what we talk about when we check in... what it means to work through this time and what it means not to work through this time...because you're too emotional distressed." Syra has struggled to stay focused partly because of her isolation but partly because her personal life was turbulent. "For me, a lot of things have gone wrong in the last couple weeks... and I've had an issue with bandwidth and haven't been able to get work done. But Ariana has been incredibly supportive in this whirlwind of craziness."

Taylor & Hannah Dudley

Taylor (right) usually calls her older sister Hannah once or twice a week, but like most us, the pandemic shifts that to a daily routine. Her family already had a group chat, but since being stuck at home “we’re more active about sharing content like our Tiktok videos, what we’re cooking... stuff like that.” Both sisters are studying for their Masters; Hannah just completed her MFA in Dance and Choreography at Arizona State University and Taylor is in her last week of the M.S program at Columbia’s Graduate School of Journalism. For Taylor, empathy online is forcing her to be a better communicator, especially in these times; “Sometimes when my mom or sister call me and I don’t want to speak, I remind myself that I know how it feels to just need company, to feel lonely” she says “so I always pick up.” For Taylor, every day in quarantine is different; “sometimes I'm happy to sit at home, wear my sweatpants in class, and just like chill but on the bad days I remember that I’m missing out on so much, especially since I’m leaving New York so soon.” What’s most disappointing for Taylor is that she didn’t get the chance to experience the city fully, 9 months is not enough to get to know The Big Apple and she can’t afford to stay without a job.

The Dudley sisters are from Atlanta, Georgia, and plan to return home together on May 21st. Hannah, being more introverted than her sister, has to remind herself to turn to her support system, her sister when the isolation gets to her “but that’s a learned behavior.” she says. For some, isolation can be addictive, and relying on others feels uncomfortable… Hannah’s nature isn’t to ask for help, but she knows that talking to her community is always the right choice. Luckily, she got a job as a hip-hop teacher at her university over the summer and plans to start teaching as soon as she’s allowed to.

Self Portrait

At its core, this project was an attempt at connection in my own isolation; to make tangible the kindness that I felt in my own circles and what I saw out in the digital world. I had never experienced this sense of togetherness before. I noticed that this collective isolation was fostering a global community, one that transcends borders and oceans...hence the hashtag #togetherathome.

In our interview, Hannah noted that “America has so much traumatic history to unlearn, deep-rooted issues that separate communities, and [her] hope is that this current sense of togetherness isn’t forgotten when society reopens” and I wholeheartedly agree. I hope that people can remember how it feels to be this open.

"We are all connected on a neurobiological level far more than we have previously realized. Consciously or not, we are in constant, natural resonance with one another’s feelings. When we are engaged in shared mind awareness, the possibilities for mutual aid and collaborative problem solving abound." says Dr.Helen Riess in her book “The Empathy Effect.”

This pandemic is a forced empathetic experience, one that’s admittedly been invasive, but could serve as a guide on empathy in the future. When we are truly empathetic with one another, everything else — all the prejudices and judgments — become a blur in the background and in the foreground is our humanity. Much like a FaceTime call, all I can pay attention to is you. This collective isolation may have stimulated a movement of kindness, but it is our capacity to be kind in itself that truly bonds us, not just the shared trauma. Let’s not forget.